How to Live Lighter Pt. II
I know I’m not the only one who’s accidentally cut someone off while driving because I thought I had more time to get in the lane, then apologized over and over as if they could hear me.
Unfortunately, I do this far too frequently, mainly because I hesitate, but more often than not, it leads to me being flipped off, honked at, or given a nasty look. Most of the time I just brush it off, others, I laugh it off. Regardless, I know my part wasn’t something done with intent. But I noticed that when I’m on the other side of the situation, it doesn’t feel this way. Like seriously you saw me coming…who taught you how to drive?! Oh, you’re from California, that makes sense! Kidding…kind of. Actually, no, I’m not kidding…why do Californians drive so aggressive?!
I don’t feel as though this flip flop of emotion fits in the category of lacking empathy but more so with our judgement. When I make a mistake, big or small, I tend to brush it off because I know that I’m imperfectly human. If another were to make the same mistake, it would be a different story. I was soon left to question myself as to why we always excuse our own mistakes and accentuate others’? Possibly, depending on the mistake, there is a small part that empathy must play in, but mostly, our judgement has taken over. I’ve mentioned, that judgement stems from our underlying values. Those values were engraved by our habits, that grew from our actions, that stemmed from our words, all beginning with the thoughts we allowed in our minds; our perception, how we perceive the world and what it should be [to us]. This perception of how the world should be is subjective and varies from person to person and obtains a great impact on all aspects of our lives.
A person who tends to excuse their mistakes aside form others’ may believe that the world is a perfect place where everything must align for them. Any sign of a slight disturbance is seen as unacceptable. Whether it be someone hurting them [emotionally] or someone merely cutting them off on the highway. Regardless of any mistakes that person has made, others are not granted to in their perfect world. Plot twist, this person was me. Unfortunate as it is, I’ve hurt plenty of people in my lifetime. I’ve said my peace, asked for forgiveness, the whole nine yards. But if that same person were to hurt me [then] (some of which have), it was seen as beyond audacious of them to do so.
I’ll be honest, I grew up spoiled. My parents gave into every need, yearning, and everything in between. Just as society, the more I was given, the more I wanted. This created a coddled group of individuals that became accustomed to having as they wished, and if not, it was unacceptable. Everything must be perfect to their needs or all hell would break loose. Everyone must drive perfectly without disrupting my peace, or else they’re completely in the wrong for doing so, everyone must forgive my mistakes and never create any of their own, etc., etc. When I came to this realization, I sought to find patience with others as I believed it was the answer, but merely gave me more temptation to become impatient and see their mistakes as something disruptive instead of what it truly was.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the opposition to judgement is support. When we judge someone it’s because we tend to believe we are above them; living vertically. Having patience with one is neutral, but forcing patience merely yields the opposite results we wish to obtain. Though, alongside patience on the horizontal way of living is support. When I make a mistake, such as with cutting someone off, I help myself through it; I apologize if needed (even if they don’t hear me), forgive myself, and continue on with what is next to come. We should also follow a similar pattern if someone makes a mistake with us, regardless of the mistake size. Instead of purposefully vexed swerving around someone who just cut me off, I slow down to remind myself to do the same and mentally “cheer them on” to get in the lane safely. When someone hurts me, I often search for a change of perspective to find forgiveness to allow continuance of what comes next in lieu of dwelling in their mistake and how it impacted me.
Have you read yesterday’s post?: 24 Things I’ve Learned in 24 Years | by Vanessa Leanne | Nov, 2021 | Medium
Where to find me: Vanessa Leanne (@vanessa_leannee) • Instagram photos and videos